A Guided Practice for Befriending Resistance

Resistance is a natural part of the human experience. While it might feel like an insurmountable obstacle, resistance can also be a powerful teacher—if we learn how to work with it rather than against it.

In this guide, we'll explore practical steps and exercises to help you recognize, understand, and ultimately transform your resistance into a source of strength and insight.

Befriending Resistance: Practical Steps and Exercises

1. Notice and Name Your Resistance

The first step in working with resistance is to become aware of it. Notice when resistance arises in your body, mind, or emotions. Does it show up as tension in your shoulders? A sinking feeling in your stomach? A voice in your head that says, “Not today”? Name it for what it is: resistance. By naming it, you create a bit of distance between yourself and the resistance, allowing you to observe it more objectively.

2. Investigate What Lies Beneath

Once you’ve named your resistance, take a moment to investigate what’s beneath it. What are the thoughts, feelings, or stories driving this resistance? Are you afraid of failure? Are you holding onto an old belief that you’re not capable? Are you resisting change because it feels uncomfortable? Journaling can be a powerful tool, helping you slow down and deepen your awareness.

3. Practice Breathing and Softening

When resistance arises, practice breathing into it. Take slow, deep breaths, and imagine your breath softening the resistance. Relax your body, especially in the areas where you feel tension or tightness. As you breathe, bring your awareness to the present moment, the sensations in your body, and the flow of your breath. This practice creates space between the resistance and deeper awareness, allowing for transformation.

4. Engage in a Short, Action-Oriented Practice

If you’re resistant to taking action—whether it’s working out, meditating, or starting a new project—commit to just five minutes of the activity. Lace up your shoes and go for a short walk, sit down and meditate for five minutes, or start that project with just one small task. Often, the hardest part is getting started. Once you begin, momentum takes over, making it easier to continue.

5. Create a Supportive Environment

Change your environment to support your intentions. If you’re trying to work on a new habit, create a space that encourages that habit. Surround yourself with supportive people, call a friend or coach for encouragement, or read a book that inspires you. Your environment plays a significant role in either supporting or hindering your progress.

6. Speak Your Resistance Out Loud

Sometimes, simply saying aloud what you’re resisting can help diffuse its power. Acknowledge your resistance, but also speak your higher intentions. Remind yourself why you want to do this, why it’s important for your healing, and how you’ll feel after you’ve moved through the resistance.

7. Ground and Journal

Ground yourself by bringing attention to the present moment. Sit down with your journal and write about the thoughts, feelings, and sensations you’re experiencing. Allow yourself to express whatever comes up without judgment. This process helps you get to the root of your resistance and brings greater clarity and awareness. After you have named what’s going on inside, you can do a practice called “separating out.” This essentially means becoming the observer of what you have named and contacting your deeper awareness as the one that is simply aware of your thoughts, feelings, and sensations versus just being identified with them. Then you can become the one that cares for them, as if you were caring for a small child. With this practice, you connect to a deeper dimension of who you truly are.

Now, you are settling in next to this block of ice. We first noticed the resistance toward being next to this block of ice. Now, we will cultivate a sense of warmth and friendliness toward this block of ice. Pretend like this block of ice could speak—what would it say to you? If this ice was your resistance, breathe a sense of warmth, comfort, and presence into being very close to this block of ice representing your resistance. Let whatever feelings arise, arise, and simply breathe a warm, loving breath into whatever arises.

8. Melting Resistance with Warmth

Now imagine the warmth in your heart, and the sense of compassion and loving presence grows and grows, and it grows so much that the block of ice next to you begins to feel the warmth of this powerful positive energy. You notice that from the warmth of your own breath and kindness… slowly the block of ice begins to melt. Now the block of ice is the size of a bowling ball… Keep breathing into this block of ice/resistance and it continues to melt, now to the size of a softball… Now to the size of a tennis ball… and now nearly dissolving to the size of a golf ball. You notice, as you invite the presence of the block of ice (your resistance) into your awareness, and into radical acceptance, even with all of its tension and iciness, the block of ice continues to disintegrate, losing all of its defenses gradually with each breath.

9. Resistance Is Nothing Solid

Now you look over, and you see that the block of ice has melted and transformed from the power of your presence and warmth from the inside. You recognize resistance is no longer anything you need to fear, only something you need to tend to and be with, using the power of your ever-widening, tender awareness and mindfulness tools.

10. Befriending Our Human Experience: Feeling What Is Underneath Resistance

Let’s gently touch what is underneath the resistance…the fear, the doubt, the tension, the judgment, the shame, etc., is also OK to be there. Let’s pretend you are taking care of a small child. This child had a really bad day at daycare and felt they were made fun of. They came to you to be consoled, to feel better. How would you meet this child? Would you turn toward this child with your attention, affection, and validation? Would you give this child empathy, love, and understanding? This is exactly the kind of care that all of our emotions need from us at any given moment—to turn toward them as if we are taking care of a child.

11. Deeper Awareness

When we can connect to a deeper sense of presence with mindfulness skills, we can also begin to see that our passing emotions are not the totality of who we are. We can be the one observing them. Emotions (energy in motion) are energies coming and going all day long for us to tend to and take care of with compassionate presence, like young children that need our attention. It’s OK if it feels wet and messy—much like the melted ice, human emotions can feel that way… And as we learn to meet them consciously, it all becomes more workable. When we can meet life on life’s terms, instead of resisting the flow of life inside of us and around us, greater harmony is inevitable.