Befriending Resistance: A Lifelong Practice

In my late teens, I found myself trapped in a painful cycle of self-destructive behaviors. Every night, I turned to food restriction, alcohol, and marijuana to numb the pain I didn’t want to face. This wasn’t just a habit; it was resistance in its purest form—a deep refusal to confront the trauma and emotional wounds hidden beneath the surface. Each morning, I woke up hungover and filled with regret, only to repeat the cycle the next day. I’d try to “clean myself up” by running 13+ miles, starving myself, and pretending I had control, but the truth was, I was caught in a web of resistance that kept me from healing.

Eventually, after multiple attempts at rehab and recovery, I realized that this resistance wasn’t something I could conquer in one go. Life after treatment was messy, and healing wasn’t a straight line. I relapsed many times, each time coming face-to-face with my resistance. What I’ve learned through these experiences is that resistance isn’t something we defeat once and for all; it’s a force we must continually meet and work with. Each time I fell, I had to learn how to pick myself back up with compassion and perseverance, turning toward my resistance rather than running away from it. I also learned that we get stuck in resistance when we are not ready to face the lessons beneath it.

Even today, resistance shows up in my life—sometimes in subtle ways, sometimes in ways that are hard to ignore. But with each encounter, I’ve learned to see it as an opportunity for growth, an invitation to explore what lies beneath, and a kind teacher helping me regain alignment. Resistance isn’t my enemy; it’s a guide, pointing me toward the areas of my life that need the most care and attention.

Understanding Resistance: What It Is and How It Manifests

What Is Resistance?

For this discussion, I define resistance as an energy that prevents us from following through with our healing intentions. It’s that invisible force that stops us from moving forward, even when we know what’s best for us. Resistance is the opposite of radical acceptance; it’s the tensing, gripping, and refusal to flow with life as it is. When we resist, we cut ourselves off from the fullness of our being and our ability to experience life completely.

How Does Resistance Manifest?

Resistance can take many forms. It might manifest as procrastination, avoidance, fear, self-sabotage, or a general feeling of being stuck. It’s the voice in your head that says, “I’ll start tomorrow,” “I can’t do this,” or “It’s too hard.” It’s the discomfort that arises when we are faced with change or the unknown. Resistance often feels like an invisible barrier, keeping us from moving forward, evolving, or healing. Resistance can be a part of deeply programmed survival patterns, seeming like it’s protecting us and our nervous system, and perhaps it once was. However, as we become adults, if we stay in resistance to what is healing, we become stuck.

Philosophical Insights on Resistance

The Suffering of Resistance

In Buddhist philosophy, resistance is seen as a form of suffering. When we resist, we create a separation between ourselves and the present moment, between ourselves and reality. Thich Nhat Hanh teaches that when we resist, we are not living in the present; we are caught in our ideas, fears, and desires. This resistance is an attachment to how we think things should be rather than accepting them as they are.

Mindfulness and Compassion

A prominent Buddhist teacher, Tara Brach, emphasizes the importance of meeting resistance with mindfulness and compassion. She teaches that resistance is not something to be fought against but rather something to be explored, understood, and ultimately befriended. By turning toward our resistance with curiosity and kindness, we can dissolve the barriers it creates in our lives.

Conclusion: Embracing Resistance as a Path to Freedom

Resistance is not something to be feared or avoided; it is a powerful teacher that invites us to turn inward to explore the deeper layers of our being. By befriending resistance, we open the door to profound transformation and healing. As we learn to face and soften our resistance, we gain greater freedom, agency, and alignment with our true selves. Remember, resistance is like a block of ice—it may feel cold and solid at first, but with warmth, presence, and compassion, it can melt away, revealing the clear, flowing waters of our true potential.

Let resistance be your guide, not your enemy, and you’ll find that the very thing that once held you back can become the key to your greatest growth.

A Guide to Befriending Resistance

Please see my Guide to Befriending Resistance for practical steps and exercises to support you in this process.