The practice of self-love and compassion
From a young age, there has been a deep need inside my soul to discover self-love in action. Growing up in a world where learning about oneself, one’s childhood conditioning, and inner landscape is not at the forefront can often lead to patterns of being dissociated and disconnected from ourselves and our experiences. This typically sets the stage for various coping mechanisms we adopt to survive, such as addiction, codependence, eating disorder behaviors, perfectionism, and more.
Surviving Through Coping Mechanisms
In childhood and adolescence, these false refuges and survival techniques certainly helped us endure the pain and trauma of being disconnected from our deeper selves and from challenging life experiences that we weren’t yet aware of how to process. However, these coping mechanisms often become maladaptive and hold us hostage well into our adult lives. What once served to help us survive when we knew no other way usually takes on a life of its own… until we find a deeper and different way of being, that is.
Embracing the Healing Journey
Looking back at my journey, I would say that at each stage along the way, I received what I was ready for in terms of healing and self-growth. From this vantage point, I can see the beauty in the gradual process. But that certainly does not deny that frustration or impatience arises at each stage as well, with the desire to be further along on the path of healing.
Finding Community in Boulder
When I came to Boulder, Colorado, and met my next community of support in my growth, the lessons of self-compassion and learning to befriend my old survival patterns and conditioning were still—some of the most important lessons to be continually integrated. It is the foundation for true transformation.
The Role of Self-Love, Mindfulness, and Meditation
This is where the practice and action of self-love, mindfulness, and meditation came into play. Through appropriate support, I learned that by using various tools of self-care and mindfulness, I could become aware when I was falling into my old default of mental, emotional, and bodily conditioning. In other words, I could recognize the repetition of self-destructive thoughts, emotions, and urges to numb out those internal patterns in old and familiar destructive ways.
Courage to Change
Yet, the courage to change the direction of our life begins with this radical shift, starting from the inside out—the willingness to consistently turn towards what we’ve been running from with presence and compassion, rather than reacting with self-judgment and running away.
Embracing Gentleness and Compassion
This internal endeavor is not for the faint of heart! Yet, when we connect the dots to see clearly that we are simply engaged in survival patterns that truly did serve us at some stage in development, or we are caught up in old critical inner dialogue, we can be with ourselves exactly where we are with more gentleness, wisdom, and compassion. This involves holding the intention to utilize more uplifting tools and techniques to bring care to our wounded child from our current adult selves.
Building a New Way of Life
I’ve been taught that this is an action, and just as everything does, it builds on itself. As we begin to take steps toward self-loving action in various guided ways, this new way of life can blossom—one choice at a time.
And life continues to happen, right? Of course, after we learn certain tools and skills to help us take better care of ourselves, it does not mean that life is glorious all the time or that the waves of existence don’t come crashing down upon us. Rather, the intention is to be more deeply inwardly resourced and to cultivate an increasing ability to meet life on life’s terms with compassion for ourselves and our missteps along the way.
Turning Challenges into Growth
We can even potentially encourage ourselves and others to see challenges and mistakes as opportunities for deeper learning and growth rather than reasons to turn away from ourselves in judgment and shame.
How I see it, every single person who takes these steps toward inner healing and self-understanding with compassion and kindness as a cornerstone is making a profoundly impactful and significant stride. Firstly for themselves, to bring love and care to the wounds within, and yet this ripple effect extends far beyond oneself and into the very fabric of humanity. As we learn to embrace ourselves with this type of tenderness, so too can we embrace others and the world around us with the same attention and energy.
So here’s to beginning, or continuing, to take steps along your own path with self-compassion.