The practice of self-love and compassion
From a young age, there has been a deep need inside my soul to discover self-love, in action. Growing up in a world where learning about oneself and one’s childhood conditioning and inner landscape Is not at the forefront of focus, can often lend itself to patterns of being dissociated and disconnected from ourselves and our experience. This typically sets the stage for all sorts of patterns of coping mechanisms that we adopt in order to survive such as addiction, codependence, eating disorder behavior, perfectionism, etc.
In childhood and adolescence, these false refuges and survival techniques certainly helped us to survive the pain and trauma of being disconnected from the deeper source within us and from challenging life experiences that we do not have the awareness of yet to process. However, usually, these coping mechanisms become maladaptive and hold us hostage well into our adult lives. What once served to help us to survive when we knew no other way usually takes on a life of its own… Until we find a deeper and different way of being, that is.
Looking back at my journey I would say at each stage along the way I received what I was ready for in terms of healing and self-growth. From this vantage point, I can see the beauty in the gradual process...But that certainly is not to deny that frustration or impatience does not arise at each stage as well, with the desire to be further along in the path of healing.
When I came to Boulder Colorado and met my next community of support in my growth, the lessons of self-compassion and learning to befriend my old survival patterns and conditioning were still is- some of the most important lessons to be continually integrated. It is the foundation for true transformation.
This is where the practice and action of self-love, mindfulness, and meditation came into play. Through the appropriate support, I learned that by using various tools of self-care and mindfulness, I could become aware when I was falling into my old default of mental/ emotional and bodily conditioning, or in other words, simply the repeat of self-destructive thoughts and emotions and urges to numb out those internal patterns in old and familiar destructive ways. And yet the courage to change the direction of our life begins with this radical shift, that starts from the inside out, the willingness to begin to consistently turn towards what we’ve been running from with presence and compassion, versus reacting in self-judgment and running away from some variety.
This internal endeavor is not for the faint of heart! Yet when we connect the dots to see clearly that we are simply engaged in survival patterns that truly did serve us at some stage in development to survive, or we are caught up in old critical inner dialogue, we can be with ourselves exactly where we are at, with more gentleness, wisdom, and compassion, while holding the intention to utilize more uplifting tools and techniques to bring care To our wounded child, from our current adult selves. I’ve been taught to know that this is an action, and just as everything does, it builds on itself...as we begin to take the steps towards self-loving action in the various ways that we are guided, this new way of life can blossom, One choice at a time.
And life continues to happen, right? And of course, after we learn certain tools and skills to help us take better care of ourselves it does not mean that life is glorious all the time, or that the waves of existence don’t come crashing down upon us. Rather, the intention is to be more deeply inwardly resourced and to have cultivated more and more of an ability to meet life on life’s terms with compassion for ourselves and our missteps all along the way. We can even potentially encourage ourselves and others to see challenges and mistakes as opportunities for deeper learning and growth rather than reasons to turn away from ourselves in judgment and shame.
How I see it, every single person that takes these steps towards inner healing and self-understanding with compassion and kindness as a cornerstone is making a profoundly impactful and significant stride, firstly for themselves, to bring love and care to the wounds within, and yet this ripple effect extends far beyond oneself and into the very fabric of humanity. As we can learn to embrace ourselves with this type of tenderness, so too can we embrace those and the world around us with the same attention and energy. So here’s to beginning, or continuing, to take steps along your own path, with self-compassion.